The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

10 October 2018|

Where have I been?!

It kinda feels like I fell off the face of the earth for a bit…

But I’m back – and here to share The Good, The Bad & The Ugly of where I have been.

The Ugly: Illness

Unfortunately, since my last health update post, not much has changed. I had my follow up appointment with my physician, and with no actual answers for why I was feeling like I do – he decided that putting me on strong pain medication for three months would be a good way to “re-wire” my brain and body into thinking it wasn’t in any more pain (they do this often in unexplained pain cases). So I tried that for over a month and unfortunately after the first week of being high as a kite on the medication, my body got used to the medication and the pain started to come back. So I saw my doctor again, and we decided to try a new set of medication (an anti-depressant that treats chronic pain) – BUT I am now experiencing withdrawals from coming off the pain medication and side effects on the new medication (which is normal for the first 2-3 weeks). So here I sit with chest pain, fatigue, nausea and vomiting, hot sweats and then cold chills, insomnia and so much more.It’s not fun – but I have to ride it out and then hope that I start to feel the positive effects in the next few weeks. (prayers greatly appreciated, sweet friends).

The Bad: New York

As you read in my September Goals, I have just returned from a 10 day trip to the United States – New York City and North Carolina to be exact. A bucket list and dream destination to so many. Unfortunately for me, the few days in NYC were some of the hardest few days  of my life. I’ve been lucky enough to have travelled to NYC twice before – once with MC for a holiday and the second to watch my SIL run the NY marathon. We spent both those trips doing all the tourist attractions (Central Park, Empire State Building, Rockefeller Centre, 911 Memorial, Flat Iron building, Times Square, Madison Square Gardens, Little Italy, Grimaldis, The Cake Boss, Grand Central Station and so much more). This time, I was on my own for a few days in the City – and what to do? I didn’t want to repeat the tourist areas on my own (and for the price!) and besides cheap fast food joints, I didn’t want to eat in fancy restaurants on my own, without the budget for 5th Avenue and all the other stores, we now have in South Africa, I didn’t shop much and with feeling really sick and physically exhausted – New York was not my happy place!

I spent an afternoon with my SIL, niece and nephew and that was fun and very special but besides this day – I was super lonely, very emotional and physically drained. New York City can be scary and hard hitting on your own – a big city that literally can chew you up and spit you out. Add to this, I had a terrible experience in my hotel on my last night as the couple in the room next door had a terrible fight and I sat through the man physically assaulting his wife. I called security and moved rooms, and he lied his way out of it but it really affected me and has scarred me in so many ways. It really showed me how vulnerable we really traveling alone. I spent those days hiding in my hotel room, barely eating, very emotional and shedding far too many tears. But…

The Good: Making Things Happen Conference

And then my trip was made wonderful and ended on the highest note with the most incredible two days at the MTH Conference with the inspiring Lara Casey and her team at Cultivate What Matters. This two day conference was both mind-blowing and life-changing. 100 beautiful women in a room filled with love, kindness, faith and inspiration. Lara spoke us through all that we want to say YES to, what we want to say NO to and what we want our lives to look like at 80. We listened to the most amazing encouragers share their hearts, their brokenness and their stories, we laughed, we cried, we made amazing new friends and I dug deep into my heart and soul to bring out what I want to cultivate in my life. Another post on this to come soon…

To sum it all up, I’ve been away on a lonely trip, on an inspirational trip, I’ve travelled miles alone and been away from my loved ones for days. I’v tried strong pain medication and suffered withdrawals coming off it, I’ve endured more tests, prods and pricks, and I’m on new medication and struggling through the few two weeks of their side effects. I am tired, I am emotional, I’m barely eating and hardly sleeping BUT I also have so much to be grateful for: Jesus and His everlasting love and healing, MC being rock and supporting me through this all, three of the sweetest angels that I can kiss and cuddle every day and night and ultimately my body that may be struggling but isn’t failing me completely. I still get to wake up each day and say good morning and thank you to the world.

Happy Wednesday friends x


  1. Ai, what an emotional roller coaster but at least our God is bigger than all of this. Praying for you, the lady from the assault and all your new friends from your conference that they will carry their new energy and wisdom and bless others 💛 would love to hear more!

    1. Thanks so much Paula – I promise to post all about the conference. And I join you in praying for these strong women too x

  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through this tough time my Cals. Inexplicably hard on you and no words can ever be enough, but you’re constantly in our prayers. So grateful you were able to go over and be part of this conference – a dream come true for you and no better way to lift your spirits and strengthen your already powerful and strong faith. So proud of you my friend 💛

  3. I’m sending all my good thoughts your way. You have such a beautiful smile and outlook, nobody would ever know your pain. Keep sharing! It’s anazing who your words might touch and help.

    1. Ah thank you my friend – praying that this part of my story is to help someone else out there! Sending love to you and your gorgeous trio x

  4. Oh my friend, I want to sob reading this. I feel your pain through your words and I pray it disappears. I’m so glad there was a silver lining to your trip. Thinking of you, one of the strongest women I know. Smiling through it all. Lots of love Cals xoxo

    1. Thank you my Meg – not easy traveling this journey for so long but staying positive and having faith that it’s gong to be solved and healed soon x

  5. Wow. So inspiring and so honest. Thank you for being vulnerable and helping us all see how real life is rather than painting a picture. You are inspiring.

  6. My Cals, my heart aches when I hear how much pain you are in. I’m sending you light and wellness and hoping you make a full recovery. Im sorry your time in New York was so stressful. It isnt nice traveling alone. But Im so happy that you had a fantastic time at the Making Things Happen conference. Love you lots my friend. Keeping you in my thoughts

    1. Thank you so much, sweet friend – it means so much! So wish I had been in the Carolina’s longer and got to come and see you x

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About me

I'm Caley a thirty-something wife & mummy from Durban, South Africa. Ellie Love Blog is all about me, my family and our beautiful life.


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