2nd October 2010.
Fourteen years married, five beautiful babies, two hearts beating as one and a lifetime to go. Happy 14th wedding anniversary to the love of my life.
Fourteen things I know as a wife of fourteen years:
- Jesus. Always Jesus. At the centre and core of it all.
- Marry your best friend. Someone you can be your very real, authentic, raw, ugly self with and not be or feel judged.
- Marriage is hard and it takes hard work. Don’t let other couples, the movies or Instagram fool you. It’s hard for everyone.
- It always takes two. It takes two to build a strong, healthy marriage and it also takes two to tear it apart. It takes two people to wake up each day and try their best and to love with all that they can.
- But marriage isn’t 50/50. There are some days that I have zero to give and he has to do it all and give it all, and other days my tank and cup are full and I can pour freely from it when he has nothing left to give. The hardest days are when we are both at zero but we allow grace to get through those days.
- Knowing and understanding love languages is important. But fourteen years later and we still can’t get it right. Loving him in his love languages isn’t a natural thing for me to do. Do I try? Yes. Do I always find it easy doing it? No. Do I get it right? Not always. Does it mean the world to him? Yes.
- This man loves unconditionally. There are no conditions to how much he loves me – he loves when I am at my best, and even more when I am at my worst. He loves when I love back, and even more when I have very little love to give. He loves when I do things he doesn’t love and he loves when I am my most unloveable.
- Kiss often. Kissing is a very intimate gesture that can be done anywhere. It builds connection, passion and love. Kiss deeply – one of those eyes-closed-there-is-noone-else-in-the-world-tongue-smooching kisses. And often.
- Be your spouses’ biggest cheerleader. Don’t speak negatively about them – in front of them or behind their back. There is very little that hurts me more than watching a spouse or couple bad mouth each other or speak down to each other in a conversation publicly or privately. It crumbles a piece of my heart inside. Speak life and positive affirmations over your spouse, cheer loudly for them, believe in them and shout it from the rooftops.
- I chose the very best husband to be the father of our babies. I couldn’t have known then how incredible he would be but I hit the jackpot. He is the definition of a role model dad, not a babysitter but a modern day, all in, hands on, intentional and present father. Our babies are truly blessed to be raised and loved by him.
- Prioritise time together. This is not a cliche, this is real and oh so important. We have missed out on quality time together over the past few months, and we can both feel it. We crave one-on-one, uninterrupted, fun, restful quality time together. It doesn’t have to cost money or be for days on end but make the time. Start with one night a week to connect at home: eye contact, no distractions and connect, then a fortnightly date night where you can get out of the house and spend time together, and an annual trip away – just the two of you.
- Actions speak louder than words. It is easy to talk the talk but not follow through with actions. Maybe this is more important for me because ‘words of affirmation’ aren’t my love language, and I need to see to believe. But love is found in the doing, more than the speaking.
- I can live life without him. Because I have learnt to be one very one independent woman. But I hope and pray that I never have to..
- He is my forever. I knew it then and I know it now. I know this forever.
Happy 14th Anniversary, husband. I love you x
