A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all…
Hmmm, I have to admit, this isn’t my favourite topic.
I’m not a fan of being a guru or dishing out advice so I would rather tell you what has worked for me, so far…
As a wife:
Learn and remember your spouse’s love languages.
Trust 100% and be 100% trustworthy.
Love languages seem so insignificant or ‘just another book’ but we have learnt that this is definitely not the case. Learning these love languages could save your marriage or relationship. It is very seldom that couple share the same love languages and not fulfilling and understanding these languages could lead to many arguments and problems. Recognising them will help you learn more about your spouse and also know how to love them in their way. It will make all the difference. I have learnt over the years to understand what MC wants and needs, but it always hard work and effort to love him in his very own way – cuddling and complimenting him don’t come naturally – even though I want to do it.
Trust is a huge factor in a marriage or relationship. I firmly believe that without 100% trust, it just cannot work. It may take time and commitment to build or earn that trust but once it is gained and kept, it will be make your marriage stronger and unbreakable. MC and I had to build up our trust in each other at an early stage as we started our long distance relationship after dating for 6 months. It took a lot, especially because we had both been betrayed in the past. But we soon learnt that we could trust each other and it makes me feel loved and protected knowing that I can trust him. I am also very careful not to ever break his trust in me – and something very small could do this if I wasn’t aware and cautious, and putting him first.
As a mom:
Trust your instincts.
Calm? With a newborn? You must think I am crazy! But believe me, it is possible. I am normally a highly strung person who is quick to panic but with SJ, I am the opposite. I have learnt over this past year that babies are resilient and tears won’t kill her or me. Sleepless nights, endless tears and niggly hours are all normal and we will get through it but if I get uptight, moody, tense or start to panic – she only gets worse! A baby can feel your mood by being in your presence and they react to this mood or tension. SJ showed us a perfect example on a few nights where one of us would try feed her and out her down and she refused and cried and wouldn’t settle… But as soon as the other parent stepped in, being well rested, calm and patient – she fell asleep instantly!
I honestly believe that a mom knows best! Some moms are very relaxed and often doubt themselves, and others are too paranoid and think they know everything but an honest motherly feeling is always right. A mother knows her child – how they eat, sleep and socialise, how they react and perform, how they are when they are sick, happy or sad. Listen to others and respect the advice being given (and take it if you agree and believe in it too!) but don’t get bullied into anything by anyone, when it goes against what you know and believe and has worked for you.
As a friend:
Make the effort.
I have a large circle of awesome friends and a smaller circle of closest, best friends. I treasure and love each and every one of them. With all these friendships, I have noticed one thing – making an effort is so important. I have friends that are older or younger, live close by or far away, that are hectically busy or super chilled. But with each and every one of them, I always make an effort, and it affects me when they do too (or don’t!) I make phone calls, send text messages, comment on social media, take photographs, type emails, write and send cards, wrap and send packages, send flowers, make meals, organise social events and holidays, give hugs, listen and try advise, wipe away tears, care and help when they are sick, and take on their problems. Effort also has a huge impact on me – I feel loved and cared for, respected and important. It doesn’t have to be all the time and over the top, just meaningful.
Wow, for having nothing to say, I said a lot!
What advice do you have?