Feelings During Lockdown: Q&A

24 June 2020|

Lockdown Feelings 3.0 – who would’ve thought?!

Since my last two honest posts about my Feelings during Lockdown and Feeling Judged during Lockdown, I’ve obviously experienced a whole range of feelings and emotions – as have you and every other beating heart in this crazy world of ours. I’ve also been asked a lot about how I’ve been feeling and I wanted to share both those questions and answers, and my general feelings…

How are YOU feeling?

I am feeling ALL the feelings. Lockdown does that to people, it digs very deep down into your core, into your heart, into your mind and it brings out ALL the things. And I have experienced it all – joy, peace, anxious, frustration, happiness, anger, hurt, pain, excitement, contentment, hope and so much more… And that is so natural. Each day brings something new, and we learn to navigate those emotions and all that each day brings. Over the past few weeks, we have also experienced so much more as a family, so many struggles and so much hardship, out of our control and it has really taken it’s toll on our family of five unit, on us an individuals, on our marriage and on our baby girls.

Do you know anyone that has Covid-19 or has passed away with Covid-19?

I know of a handful of people that have had the virus – all friends of friends or family of friends of mine on social media. If I had to write a list of these people, it would consist of 8 names. Two online friend’s have lost their loved ones – one lost her mum and the other her grandmother due to the virus.

Are you scared of getting the virus?

Yes – I think it is safe to say that anyone would be scared of contracting a deadly virus that has taken and affected so many lives around the world. I am not considered high risk but I would hate to get sick, be so violently ill, risk being admitted into hospital and possibly lose my life or those around me. But I do also think that realistically, 60-70% of us are going to get the virus or need to get the virus for us to build some sort of immunity to it and allow the pandemic to dissipate in some way. I don’t think it’s possible for us to stay at home until the virus is “gone” but I do believe that we can take all precautions and social distance and be very careful until we have reached our “spike”.

Are you girls going back to school?

Yes they are. Our EN went back to school on Thursday 11th June and SJ on Monday 15th June. They were both at school for a week and are now on planned school holidays until the 8th of July. They will then be returning to school based on the schools recommendations – this will either be full time or part time (alternating days) based on the provided government regulations. ZB’s play school is set to open on 6th July.

I understand and respect that everyone has their own views, opinions and feelings on all issues surrounding Covid-19 and specifically, whether or not to send their child/ren back to school. There is no right or wrong answer – you have to do what you believe is the best decision for your family.

We have decided to send our girls back for a number of reasons: I am involved at their school and having being involved first hand with the plans and protocols that are now in place, I am comfortable with all that the school have done and are doing to ensure that the school venue is a safe and healthy space and the the track and trace procedure is practical if/when someone is infected. I am also confident and reassured that the new protocols and ways of teaching have been conducted in a warm and welcoming manner that my girls do not feel isolated or distanced from their friends and teachers, and they have already adapted so well to the “new normal” and changes at school. As a qualified teacher and a SAHM, I am able to continue with online learning and home schooling at home but I feel that it is not healthy for our family to be confined to this home environment where all members are completely home bound and constantly in each others spaces (MC is working from home indefinitely) for the rest of the year. I am a qualified SP teacher not JP so I do not teach the concepts in the most correct and beneficial way and I haven’t had preparation for this type of homeschool as opposed to if I had chosen to homeschool my children and chosen our own syllabus myself – when you choose to homeschool you also know you have other interactive activities or engagements planned which my girls do not have available at the moment due to the virus.

Are you booking your hair and nail appointments again?

Yes – as much as I take great pride in my grooming and having my hair highlighted and nails well manicured means a lot to me. I am not rushing back to my local salons for this reason but rather to support some of my closest friends. Both my beauty salon and hair salon owners are two of my closest friends – inspiring women and successful businesses that I have supported from the very beginning, when they opened the doors. It has been truly heartbreaking and devastating to watch these women and all that they have worked so hard to build and achieve, and the staff that they empower and support, literally crumble to pieces over these past few months. I have helped in small ways over the months, purchasing vouchers, sharing their advertising and buying products from then when they could but this hasn’t been enough – and I hate to see any small businesses close their doors or not afford to pay their staff who in turn cannot feed their families. I also know that these salons have followed all protocol and have very strict regulations in place, for the safety and protection of their clients.

Are you seeing friends and family?

We have seen both sets of our parents – we’ve been helping MC’s parents with shopping and meals throughout lockdown, and more recently seen my mum. During Level 3, we have seen our closest friends under precautions and regulations, and had our closest family friends kids to play with our girls. Again, this is a personal decision and something we have chosen for our family, now that our girls are back at school and we are more exposed. We are cautious and we know our closest friends and family’s current track and trace and/or symptoms. This time and human connection with friends has saved us as we have faced some very difficult emotional and mental challenges, and has been an incredible blessing for our girls to have some interaction with other children.

What have you learnt from lockdown?

As tough as lockdown has been on so many of us, in different ways and at different times – we can always find some positive moments and positive lessons that have been learnt. We have been reminded about the importance of being still, slowing down, leaning into Jesus, uninterrupted family time, and all the “yes” things we want more of in our lives. We have also learnt the “things” that we don’t want or need in our lives – overloaded calendars, constant pinging of phones, toxic relationships, avoiding big conversations, rushed mornings and wasting precious time. We will definitely look back on this time remembering how our lives changed in the most profound way.

What do you miss most during lockdown?

I miss having a home filled with special friends and their families. I miss swimming in the sea. I miss watching my girls play sport and dance on stage. I miss me-time to myself. I miss planning our next getaway and traveling. I miss date nights and time with MC just the two of us. I miss counting down the weeks to my SIL’s wedding. I miss the big hugs when I enter our church on a Sunday morning. I miss leaving my home without ticking a whole host of security checks. I miss seeing my baby girls face light up when she arrived at school and welcomed everyone each morning. I miss so many things and every day it’s something new.

The greater your storm, the brighter the rainbow.

How are YOU feeling about lockdown? What have you learnt and what do you miss?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

About me

I'm Caley a thirty-something wife & mummy from Durban, South Africa. Ellie Love Blog is all about me, my family and our beautiful life.


Ellie Stories