5 Love Languages

22 October 2013|

Do you know what the five Love Languages are?
Do you know what your primary love language is?
Do you know what your partners primary love language is?
Do you love each other according to these love languages?

If you answered no to any of the above, then I am probably speaking some foreign language to you right now. But if you answered yes, then you know the importance of it all.
And you feel as strongly about these love languages as I do…

Do yourself a favour, and take the Five Love Languages quiz here.
How did you do?

Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch

I think Gary Chapman (the man behind it all) is a real life genius.
He has hit the nail on the head with it all. 
As a wife, mother and teacher, I think the five love languages are extremely important in understanding, accepting and enriching an individuals needs, and the way in which you love and need to be loved.

MC and I have only recently read the book (when we got married) and three years down the line, we are still learning. It is no easy task learning someone else’s love language and learning to love them in the way they want and need to be loved. Unlucky for us, we have opposite love languages so this love thing doesn’t come easily or naturally, we have to really work at it.

The same goes with learning your child’s love languages. As little and vulnerable individuals who don’t know to always speak up about their feelings, it is so important for us parents to know and understand their love languages and be able to fill their ‘love tanks’.

A little about each love language (in my order of preference):

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of every day gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Quality Time:
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is  critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities. 

Physical Touch:
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder or face – they can all be ways of showing excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, which neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship. 

Words of Affirmation:
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words “I love you” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can you leave shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging and positive words are truly life-giving.

Acts of Service:
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear, “Let me do that for you”. Laziness, broken commitments and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

What are your primary love languages?
Do you find it all as fascinating as I do?


  1. I am really interested in the 5 languages. I just need to take the time to actually read it (not skim over it) and then apply it. I know hubby has different needs to mine and I would love to understand them better

  2. We took these a long time ago and I can't totally remember my order. I know acts of service and quality time were quite high on my list 🙂 Ok… I just checked our books… my number 1 IS acts of service and my number 2 is quality time hehe. Jurgen's number 1 is also acts of service (which can be tricky because we both want the same thing) and his number 2 is words of affirmation. We started the books but never finished them a couple of years ago… we should go back and complete them 🙂

  3. That was so interesting to do. Mine was: Words of Affirmation and Quality Time were tied in 1st place with 8 points , then Physical Touch at 7 points , then Acts of Service with 5 points and gifts were 2 points.
    Fascinating 😉

  4. Gary Chapman also has another book called "Things I wish I had known before we got married" Warren's mom gave it to us as a gift – it's very useful and practical! The love languages are such a handy thing to use to be able to show your partner love in the way that they receive it best! I love this kind of stuff! haha

  5. I have always wanted to know my love language! Turns out mine is 'Words of Affirmation" and "Quality Time" which came tie first with 8 points, "Acts of Service" came a close second with 7 points, "Physical Touch" came in at 4 points and finally "Receiving Gifts" with 3 points. All SPOT ON! Thanks for the share 🙂

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About me

I'm Caley a thirty-something wife & mummy from Durban, South Africa. Ellie Love Blog is all about me, my family and our beautiful life.


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