20 May

20 May 2013|

Get real.
Share something you’re struggling with right now…

Wow! This is a tough one.
I am always open and honest on my blog but I don’t always poor out my deepest and darkest secrets.
I don’t even do this in real life either.
But today I will spill the beans on…
This is quite a touchy subject with me at the moment, and those closest to me know my issues and have been on the receiving end of my every day struggle. For those that don’t know – I have always been a relatively small and slim person. All through life, I have never had any problems with eating, exercising and being fit or weight issues. I went through school being quite thin but very sporty, and eating any junk that I wanted with no bad effect on my body. After school, I maintained a good weight and even though my body went through certain changes and I gradually put on a few kg’s, I was always happy in my skin and comfortable wearing a bikini in public. 
In 2008, I moved to London and managed to get the “Heathrow injection” as it is called, by putting on a bit of weight but within months of being home, in the sun, outdoors and generally happy, I was back to a reasonable weight. I started working out with a personal trainer before our wedding and I was happy and confident in our wedding photographs. Even after 2 weeks in New York and Disneyland, no gym and plenty of calories – I wasn’t heavy or fat or overweight or even flabby. I was just right.
Then I was extremely blessed to fall pregnant. I didn’t change anything about my diet or exercise program for the first two trimesters and I felt good. But as I got more comfortable in this preggy skin of mine, I started eating for two and an increase in my blood pressure put me on bed rest and out of the gym. It also made me put on a lot of weight and carry excess water. I put on 14kgs in the first 31 weeks and 8kgs in the last 6 weeks!! I was huge!!
Before anyone gets uptight or judgemental, I know that falling pregnant is the greatest gift ever, and I carried and gave birth to the most beautiful little girl who has been such an easy baby and a big, healthy girl who hasn’t been sick. I am so blessed to have this little miracle in my life and to have been responsible for her growth and development. And in the bigger picture of life, that is all that matters! And I know this.
But I am human, and I am a woman. And weight does matter. It affects my mood, my clothes, my confidence, my self-esteem, my intimacy and my personality. But it doesn’t mean my life is bad or less fortunate. It does upset me though and I struggle through days feeling fat, flabby and frumpy. I look at other thin and toned moms and I feel bouts of jealousy. I am not very keen on parading around in my bikini or showing off stretch marks. I hate that some super gorgeous clothes don’t fit well or look good. And with a budding social life, I have a love-hate relationship with food.
I have also learnt that I don’t have great discipline or will-power. I like instant gratification so weeks on a diet or treadmill seem impossible to me. I have tried a few diets and a few fitness challenges, and I have shed 17kgs of my 22kgs to lose in a year, and I am proud of that. But it is not enough. I really want to achieve my pre-pregnancy goal weight, and I often try to do more to achieve this. But some days, I give up. And then I try again. And I give up again.
A part of me is terrified of falling pregnant again, at a heavier weight and starting this battle all over again. But the love for a child and the amazing feeling of being a mom far outweigh feeling fat. But that doesn’t mean I don’t fear the struggle of facing it all again. I know I can do things differently this time – not eat for two and keep up consistent exercise. But I am hoping it is a little easier, and until then – I have a few extra kilograms to shed. I will do it!
Has wight ever been an issue for you?
Any tips on losing weight and staying motivated?
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  1. Such a brave post to write – well done! The main thing is you are working at it and you still looking pretty damn good! Just keep your goals in mind. Remember the way your daughter sees you – with only love and no judgement! x

  2. This was such an interesting read. Something i can relate to…. And you look fabulous just the way you are.
    What worked and still works for me is cutting out all processed foods. I started this and kept at it for 2 months until i lost the extra 6 kg`s i was carrying. Now, i make sure there are no processed foods Mon to Fri and will have some in moderation over the weekend. Cutting back on alcohol (red wine i miss you) has also helped me alot.

  3. I know what a challenge weight is. I blogged the same thing. (
    What I admire is that you're trying and you're focusing on the goal. Sure, sometimes you are human and you give up (or give in to the cravings) but what is important is you get up and try again. So many of us don't do that. Reward yourself and recognise your achievements. You have done so well already!! I am in awe!

  4. Hey you are one sexy mama thats for sure!! Weight sucks and think its one of those things we all struggle with. Dont put off more babies because of your weight. I picked up 18kg with Jamie and didnt loose it all when i fell pregnant with Brody. But i ended up only picking up 12kg with Brody and have since managed to get down to lower that i was when falling pregnant with Jamie which i NEVER thought i could do!!!

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About me

I'm Caley a thirty-something wife & mummy from Durban, South Africa. Ellie Love Blog is all about me, my family and our beautiful life.


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