Gaining weight is no joke…
Gaining weight when out of your control is even worse…
I am always amazed at how easily and quickly weight is gained but how difficult and slow it is to shed said weight. I have only become weight savvy since falling pregnant and having babies… As a young girl, teenager and even in my twenties – I was one of those that could eat not-very-well and not gain much weight, I never had cellulite and I never worried about the scale.
Cue pregnancy #1 and good golly did the words: weight and fat shock my system! Pregnancy #2 arrives and I’m still far too many kilograms overweight. Let’s be serious and talk numbers here…
During high school, I was small and skinny. I weighed 45kgs from Grade 8 to Matric (probably a little too small at times) but I had zero muscle and definitely zero eating disorders – I kept the school tuck shop open with my horrifying daily purchases! But sport every day kept me busy and moving.
At university, I ate and drank (not excessively) but I didn’t count calories, and I was no longer sporty – besides the odd gym workout (and let’s be honest, I was doing it to look cool and not to get fit or be toned!) By the end of my degree, I weighed 50kgs.
My one year stint of living in London in 2008 added on some extra fat – the Heathrow injection is a real life issue. I ate too many carbs, never went to gym and was very lazy in the cold. I came home heavier but in no time, the Summer sweat, odd gym session and just being outside shed the extra fat cells for me (no hard work needed!) During these years, I weighed between 53-56kgs.
The year we got married, I started training at the gym with a personal trainer and I gained weight – because muscle weighs more than fat. I felt good that year – ridiculously loved up, fit and healthy. Walking down the aisle, I weighed a happy and healthy 54kgs.
We went on honeymoon, we went on holiday, we had fun and we got comfortable and I slowly put on a few more kgs but always training and not eating too badly but not watching my diet either. I was happy with what I saw in the mirror, and that’s all that matters. When we started trying to have a baby, I weighed 57kgs.
I started my pregnancy at 57kgs and the day I gave birth, I weighed 79kgs!! Yes, I managed to gain a WHOPPING 22kgs. Pretty much the heaviest pregnant lady I’ve ever encountered (unless with multiples which is not a fair comparison!) My weight gain was non existent in my first trimester as I had bad morning sickness and I barely ate (and I did no exercise!) The weight gain was slow and steady in my second trimester (with normal eating and normal exercise) but in the third trimester, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure) – I was put on medication and bed rest (i.e. no exercise and too much eating) and I gained kgs every week!! I looked like a swollen whale and I felt terrible. I retained so much water, I was very bloated and very uncomfortable.
Everyone lied told me that I would lose quite a lot of weight in hospital, added to losing the actual baby’s weight, blood, water, the placenta etc… Lies! All lies! SJ weighed 3,3kgs and I got home having lost 2kgs, just 2!!! I went from being a skinny lady of leisure who had so much time to an overweight, new mom with very little time in a few short months. Don’t get me wrong, I would weigh 100kgs just to have our little miracle but let’s be honest, being overweight is not acceptable. Society says you need to be thin and toned. Friends, family and outsiders look and judge and it sucks…
For 18 months, I tried to diet, I kept exercising but I lacked the serious motivation and discipline. Our lifestyles make it even harder to not eat carbs, alcohol or sugar. Saying No doesn’t come easy. I accepted that my body had changed as a new mother – a few more rolls, wider hips, stretch marks but I knew that I could work harder at being at my goal weight – but I got comfortable.
In 2013 when I fell pregnant with EN, I weighed 63kgs. I had terrible morning sickness, I didn’t eat or drink for six weeks, I was hospitalised twice and I didn’t leave my bed – and I lost 7kgs. I started my second trimester at 59kgs but looking revoltingly sick. I had a good second and third trimester – the weight came back on quickly as soon as I started eating again and then it was a steady climb from my original 63kgs. At 35 weeks when I gave birth, I weighed 73kgs – I had gained a total of 10kgs in my second pregnancy and I felt so much better. I was also luckier in hospital this time as I lost 6kgs before coming home (EN only weighing 2.8kgs at birth)
EN is now almost 7 months old and I have had weeks of good exercise and weeks of being very lazy. I have had weeks of a good diet and weight loss program and weeks of bingeing and pigging out. I now weigh 60/61kgs and I feel okay. I want to lose more and my goal is 57kgs again but it is not going to be easy (heck, it’s VERY hard!) but I take each day as it comes, and I try. And I will keep trying.
The point of this post after all that??
We are all normal. We are all the same.
Some girls want to be smaller, some want to be bigger.
Some want to be more muscular and some want to be curvier.
Just the same as some blondes want to be dark and some brunettes want to be blonde.
We all want something more or something different.
Are we ever 100% happy?
Maybe, maybe not. But right now, today, I can tell you this:
I am not 100% happy. But I am happy.
I am not super excited about putting a bikini on this Summer but I cannot wait to swim with my girls.
Some outfits I love and feel great in, and some outfits I absolutely hate and i feel like a beached whale in.
But this is who I am, and I love me.